Do It Anyway


, , , , , , , , , ,

“No one is watching but you have to leap,” from “Leap Before You Look” by W.H. Auden


I have an itch but I looked before I leaped,

And in the fear crept…

But I had to do it anyway,

So while everyone was looking away,

I took a running start,

Now all they see is me falling apart.

Little do they know…

I’ve already landed on the other side with both my soles.


Sleep Until I Drowned


, , , , , , ,

I sleep in circles wild and round,

I run, I race! Without a sound;

I think and climb a giant mound,

Of thoughts and things that I have found,

Until I drowned, until I drowned!

No sir, I do not sleep sound.

Wish Upon a Fountain Coin


, , , , ,

To wish upon a fountain coin, seems silly and juvenile,

I’d much rather spend my pennies buying something nice.

But I’ll make a wish upon the fountain,

Old and drenched in history,

It’s been around much longer, than you or I could dream.

I’ll wish upon the water,

And keep it clean-

Unlike all the rest of you who throw away your dreams.

Dear 24


, , , , , , , , , , ,

Dear 24,

Every year they ask me if I feel different and this year, for the first time, I do. I always hoped that when I turned 24 I would look like my neighbor whom I idolized when I was little. She was probably only 18 at the time, but she gave me her hand me down clothes and they were the coolest, plus she was tall and really skinny, something I was not, and am not. But this year is still different. I have reached a point of no return.

In 73 days I am going to cross that line and nothing will ever be the same. I’m moving to Europe, on a whim and some luck, to travel and attend Grad School. Twenty-four is going to be a year of change. Most importantly, it will be self created change. In the past, as time has moved forward, changed has happened to me and it has changed me, but I can’t remember the last time I changed something. Sure, I’ve changed my hair, I’ve changed my furniture, but I have not made any significant life changes. I didn’t get that full time job after college, I didn’t move anywhere new, and I waited for the things I was expecting to happen, and waited, and waited. But the changes you want don’t happen when you wait.

Then at some point last year I snapped. I wanted to travel, I wanted to work, I wanted to do something of significance! I started talking about Grad School, Europe, traveling, how I could work on my way to getting there, what I had to change. I jumped on it with such gusto that suddenly everything started changing in the direction that I wanted. I got my American citizenship in November, I planned out the trip to Europe, by February my friend and I purchased our tickets for the trip, and at the beginning of March my Grad School applications started. I made more changes in half a year than in the last 17 years of my life!

Does it feel like I’m jumping out of an airplane without a parachute? Yeah, a little, but it’s really not that crazy. It’s so overpoweringly liberating that the fear I should feel, and have felt in the past, is barely traceable.

So here’s to 24 and passing the point of no return!

Musings on Leaving


, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It is here,
It will not stop,
It will not cease it’s pull,
Or push? – a plunge!
Not of a dagger,
But of a dagger, a figurative pain,
Pain of fear, but also of exhilaration,
A frenzy, but collected and planned,
Collected over years and tears,
Planned through disappointment.
Through selfishness?
Yes. I deserve this.
A self centered reward to myself.
The gift of new. Fresh. Free falling.
Free falling into fear, with the purpose to live.

If I Could Teach Anyone One Thing


, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I am at a point in my life where I am going nowhere yet with the potential to go anywhere. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last time it happens but, when you get there, first, again or last, don’t let it stop you from moving forward (future me you better be listening).

I’m going to look back on this tomorrow and think well that’s easy for you to say. I’m making some life altering decisions in the next six months and I know what will happen if I succeed, but what if I don’t? (Future self weren’t you just listening? You’re going to try something else if it doesn’t work out).

I guess there are two points here really, first, if you start to doubt yourself give yourself a swift kick, ignore your fears (not your better judgement), and go for it, you’ll thank yourself later, and second, just live already! There’s so many “right” ways and “wrong” ways to live your life that you can actually forget to live trying to do it correctly. Now go!



, , , , , , , , ,

There’s a secret hiding place at the head of my bed,
It’s small and square and changes its face,
Depending on how far I’ve read.
They’ve taken my kids to dream land,
With dogs and dinosaurs to chase,
They’ve taken my mind off things,
That I don’t want to face,
It’s funny how something so small,
Can take a lifetime to make,
Or change a lifetime before it breaks,
But if you think about it it’s really not.
It’s a miracle we read what we do,
With book burnings and bannings,
And honestly what would we do,
If God forbid they had succeeded…
We would have nowhere to go.

Captives Choice


, , , , , , ,

A funny thought, a captive with a choice,
As if anyone would not take the way out,
At least, if they saw it.
Even if given a way out
The majority of us might miss it.
There’s so much to see, to sort, to decide,
Anyone could forget we’re all stuck inside,
Stuck inside our minds, stuck inside what we decide.

Just One- You!


, , , , , , , ,

I want you to read this blog!
I hope I can lift you out of life’s fog,
If only for just a second,
That won’t be enough I reckon,
But at least I can try,
For you and I,
I can try for you and I.
So here ya go, light and sunshine,
If you’re ever lost you’re welcome to be mine,
A sheep in the herd or my muse for the day,
I’ll try to meet you halfway 🙂


My father used to always say, “The Chinese have the right vision.” They were focused and driven, and getting better business than him. And then there was little me, listening and striving to fulfill his visions, and falling short almost everywhere. I sucked at math, couldn’t pick up chess, and now the cherry on the cake, I couldn’t find a job after college.

My shortcomings, of course, had very little to actually do with the Chinese and very much with the fact that I decided to become a writer in the middle of a terrible economic collapse, but my parents told me to follow my dreams. However, I am well aware that I am not alone, no matter how many times I am reminded of the Chinese and their vision.